“I am the master of my unspoken words, but a slave to                     those that should have remained unsaid.”                  -Winston Churchill

Well, if that doesn’t hit right between the eyes.

In dentistry, we love to educate. We love to explain. We love to help. And sometimes, bless our clinical little hearts, we love to keep talking until the patient’s eyes glaze over and their soul quietly leaves the consultation room.

That’s why I love the acronym:

WAIT

Why Am I Talking?

Because sometimes the most powerful thing you can say… is nothing.

Not awkward nothing. Not “I forgot where I was going with this” nothing. Strategic nothing. Curious nothing. Let-the-patient-own-the-conversation nothing.

The more we listen, the more we learn. The more we learn, the better we lead. And the better we lead, the more likely patients are to move forward with treatment that actually matters to them.

So before we jump in with explanations, solutions, insurance commentary, or a full TED Talk on occlusion, let’s pause and ask ourselves: WAIT — Why Am I Talking?

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1. Knowledge is power.

I’m not talking about power that puts you above the patient. This isn’t a dental dictatorship. No one needs a crown-wearing crown presenter.

I’m talking about the kind of power that allows you to truly help the patient. The kind of power that creates win-wins because you actually understand what matters to them.

When we’re talking, we’re giving away information. Sometimes helpful information. Most often, too much information. Sometimes information the patient didn’t ask for, wasn’t ready for, and is now mentally filing under “things I’ll pretend to understand while nodding politely.”

But when we’re listening, we’re receiving information. We’re gaining insight into what the patient values, fears, wants, misunderstands, or secretly hopes we’ll address.

Patients will often tell us exactly how to help them — but only if we stop narrating long enough to hear it.

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2. You won’t say anything you’ll later regret.

How many times have you walked away from a conversation and thought, “Well, that sentence didn’t age well”?

Maybe you over-explained. Maybe you made an assumption. Maybe you accidentally introduced a concern the patient didn’t even have yet. Maybe you talked yourself right out of the treatment the patient was ready to accept five minutes ago.

The less we say, the fewer opportunities we have to create confusion, overwhelm, or resistance.

This does not mean we sit silently like a houseplant in scrubs. It means we become intentional. We choose words that support the patient’s ownership instead of stealing it. Because once something comes out of your mouth, you can’t exactly shove it back in!

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3. You won’t say anything dumb.

Abraham Lincoln said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

And honestly, Abe would have made a fantastic treatment coordinator - LOL.

It is incredibly easy to speak too soon when we don’t have enough information. We may assume a patient is worried about money when they’re actually worried about time. We may assume they don’t value treatment when they simply don’t understand the consequence of waiting. We may assume they’re not interested when they’re actually afraid.

The problem with assumptions is that they feel efficient — right up until they blow up the conversation. But the goal with patient interaction is never to be efficient, but rather effective. That one tweak is a game changer when it comes to how well we connect with patients.  

Asking more questions and listening longer allows us to understand the patient’s actual point of view. It keeps us from offering solutions to problems the patient hasn’t claimed, doesn’t care about, or isn’t ready to discuss.

In other words, curiosity keeps us from sounding accidentally ridiculous. And that’s a gift to everyone involved.

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4. The person doing the talking will feel understood and cared about.

Most people go through life wishing someone would really listen to them.

Not half-listen while mentally writing a grocery list. Not “waiting for my turn to talk” listening. Not “I already know where this is going” listening.

Real listening.

When we listen more than we talk, we give patients something valuable: our attention. And in a world where everyone is distracted, rushed, and one notification away from losing focus, attention feels like care.

Patients may not remember every clinical detail you shared. They may not remember the exact material in their crown. They may not remember whether you said “occlusal” or “chewing surface.”

But they will remember how they felt.

When patients feel heard, they feel respected. When they feel respected, they feel safer. And when they feel safer, they are much more likely to trust the conversation, the doctor and team, and the treatment plan. 

Listening is not passive. Listening is relationship-building.

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5. You may gain inside information about your patient’s motivation.

This is where silence becomes pure gold.

As someone who has practiced listening a lot, I can attest to the power of saying nothing. And I’ll be honest — sometimes I’ve said nothing by accident. A patient finishes answering, and I’m still processing, trying to come up with my next brilliant question, and there’s a tiny pause.

Then, magically, the patient starts talking again!

And that second response? That’s often where the good stuff lives.

They may say:

“I guess I’m really just afraid it’s going to hurt.”

“My dad had dentures young, and I don’t want that to happen to me.”

“I know I’ve put this off too long.”

“I’m embarrassed.”

“I just want to be able to smile in pictures again.”

That is the information we could never force out with a brochure, a payment option, or a very enthusiastic explanation of bone loss.

Silence gives patients room to reveal what truly matters.

And when we understand their motivation, we are no longer pushing treatment. We are helping them connect their choices to their own goals.

That’s not sales. That’s service.

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6. When you do speak, patients will listen.

Who do you listen to more closely: someone who never stops talking, or someone who speaks thoughtfully and intentionally?

Exactly.

The law of supply and demand applies to words, too. If we are constantly sharing opinions, facts, warnings, explanations, options, details, diagrams, worst-case scenarios, and three bonus stories about other patients, our words lose value.

And listen, I know. We’re dental people. We are wired to help. We see a problem, and our instinct is to fix it immediately. Sometimes that instinct comes out as verbal vomit.

A very well-intentioned, highly educational, beautifully articulated verbal vomit.

But still.

We start explaining before the patient has finished sharing. We solve before we understand. We educate before we have permission. We give the answer before we know the question.

The goal is not to hit mute completely. Patients still deserve your guidance. They still deserve your expertise. They still deserve clear recommendations.

But timing matters.

When you wait, listen, and speak after the patient has shared their desires, concerns, and priorities, your words land differently. They feel less like a lecture and more like alignment.

And that is when patients listen.

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Final Thought

The next time you feel yourself about to jump in, over-explain, rescue the patient from silence, or provide an unsolicited mini-course in dentistry, pause and ask:

WAIT

Why Am I Talking?

Is it to help the patient gain clarity?

Or is it because silence feels uncomfortable?

Is it because the patient asked for information?

Or is it because we’re nervous and filling the room with words?

Silence is not empty. Silence is where patients think, process, decide, and often reveal what matters most.

So talk less. Listen more. Ask better questions. Let the patient own their treatment.

And remember: the words you don’t say might be the very thing that helps the patient finally say yes.