Don't Be Afraid to Get Messy

In spite of all of my planning and tendency to control everything, 2024 has looked a bit different for me than I had anticipated. 

 

I grew up with the illusion that if I’m smart enough, kind enough, and work hard, everything will eventually be perfect— I mean, perfection is the goal, right??

 

But here’s the problem– Life is messy. People are messy that means I’m messy…

 

But through God‘s grace I am able to change my expectation from ‘perfection’ to one that recognizes that curve balls are not an aberration of life, but instead, a very natural part of it…yep, life on earth is imperfect!

 

I have a long way to go, but I am learning how to be patient, thoughtful, and creative during “messy”. You know what’s crazy? I actually experience more joy and peace when I stop seeking perfection by trying to ‘fix’ everything and everyone, and simply focus on being present.

 

I recently came across a study with older adults - The majority of the participants in the study determined that when they accepted the concept that life is messy and certainly not perfect, their expectations became more reasonable and their disappointments less “disappointing.” This doesn't mean we should lower our standards, but many of us could benefit from the understanding that progress is the goal.  Not perfection.   Learning to adapt in an imperfect world and embracing disappointment and conflict will actually serve us well.

 

By choosing to embrace “messy”  I have discovered ways to walk through life’s conflicts and disappointments without making a situation worse.  I am amazed at how much control I actually have over the outcome when faced with adversity, simply by how I choose to respond.  

 

How can we live in 'messy'? 

Recognize the value of real relationships, which should take precedence over being right, forcing your will, and getting your way. This doesn't mean we should sacrifice our core values.  But when we put pride aside and we're willing to be vulnerable, the result is joy and contentment - not stress. 

It’s not an oversimplification to say that when dealing with relationships in general there is never a good substitute for kindness. When you make decisions grounded in kindness you most often make the right decisions. 

Don’t be afraid to do or try something that you aren’t perfect at; whether it’s a new task in the office, or trying a new hobby or sport. When we challenge ourselves and allow room for imperfection, our brains begin to release those feel-good chemicals.  

Remember, you don’t have to be defined by any of your missteps or failures or faults;  without these things we simply cannot grow.  Be the person who has learned from a vast life with both messiness and successes!

When in the midst of a disappointment or conflict, stop, breathe a bit, and maybe even take a walk!  Focus on gratitude... it helps clear the mind and often brings you back to a sense of equilibrium.  

While we may not be able to change how we reacted to disappointments or conflicts of the past, we can surely make the choice to be better.  Most of us are pretty good at dealing with life and relationships when everything is going smoothly, but extraordinary people are often defined by how they walk through the difficult and “messy” times.  Those of us who can learn how to continue to be kind, thoughtful, creative, and trustworthy during “messy” get to live the most tranquil, successful, and joy-filled lives.

 

So, the next time you find yourself in one of life’s disappointments personally, or in the office, remember the way you handle the disappointment of imperfection is the difference between success and failure, it separates the average from the extraordinary, it separates the happy from the unhappy.

 

And…know that it is possible to learn to manage conflict and disappointments by living in 'messy' better; give it a try!