Why Saying the ‘Right’ Thing Could Be Killing Your Case Acceptance

I have the privilege of meeting with several dental teams every week.  It's always interesting when team members from two different practices can essentially say the same exact same thing when communicating with patients — yet one instantly connects and the other gets an “I’ll think about it”?

That difference isn’t luck — or even memorization of a fail-proof script.  It’s the signals sent through tone, body language and and charisma - a healthy balance of Warmth and Competence, ie: the Charisma Equation.

💡 What's The Charisma Equation?  

Charisma = Warmth + Competence

Warmth = “I care about you.”                  Competence = “You can trust me.”

Research shows that only 7% of communication comes from the words we say — the rest is tone, expression, and body language. Every gesture, pause, and inflection tells patients something long before they process what’s actually being said.

Lean too far into competence and you can sound cold or transactional. Lead with only warmth and you risk seeming unsure.

I noticed lately it’s easy to slip into a ‘just-the-facts’ mode — especially when we’re talking money, scheduling, or if we’re crunched for time. But patients read those cues as cold, even if our heart’s in the right place. Let’s focus on balancing warmth and competence: care first, then confidence. 

In this resource, we’ll break down how to find that balance — from the words you choose to the way you carry yourself — so every conversation feels less like a transaction and more like a trusted partnership.

⚖️ What Happens When It’s Out of Balance

Goal → Confident + Caring. Think “friendly expert.”

💬 Verbal Cues in the Dental Office

✅ When warmth and competence align, patients feel understood and trust your ability to care for them. “She gets me — and she’s got me!”

A few more examples...

The Hesitant Patient — “I need to think about it.”

• Warmth cue: “Absolutely — it’s a big decision, and I want you to feel good about it.”
  
• Competence cue: “What questions could we answer that would help you make that choice confidently?”
   

The Insurance Objection — “I only want what insurance covers.”

• Warmth cue: “I totally get it — we all want to make smart financial choices.”
  
• Competence cue: “The great thing is, you’re in control here —We'll do everything possible to maximize what's available to you.  Based on what you're wanting to accomplish long-term, there will be some out of pocket expense. What if we could help spread out your investment? We have a fantastic resource that patients love - in fact, I can get the ball rolling now if you'd like."

The Payment Conversation — “That’s more than I expected.”

• Warmth cue: “Thanks for being honest — I know it’s an investment.”
  
• Competence cue: "The great news is that we have a fantastic resource that will help spread out your investment so that you don't have to put off what you want to accomplish - patients love it! In fact, I can get the ball rolling now if you'd like."
  

💭 Reflection & Practice

Ask yourself:

• Do my words sound more like a policy or a partnership?
  
• Would I trust me to help make this decision?
  
• How can I add a cue of warmth (empathy, eye contact, “we” language) before I deliver a cue of competence (details, logistics, or payment)?
• There’s so much value in recording your patient interaction to evaluate your tone, body language and  facial expression — warmth is as much felt as it is said.
  
  

According to the book Cues by Vanessa Van Edwards, there are 97 nonverbal cues. These cues include everything from facial expressions and tone of voice to posture, eye contact, hand gestures, and micro-behaviors most people aren’t consciously aware they’re sending—or receiving.

Nonverbal cues matter because people don’t experience us through our words alone—they experience our energy, intention, and emotional signals. You can say all the “right” things, but if your tone feels rushed, your posture feels closed off, or your facial expression doesn’t match your message, people trust the cue over the script. 

Remember, People make buying decisions emotionally.  

In fact, our brains are constantly scanning for safety, confidence, and warmth before they even process content. That’s why focusing only on what to say without awareness of how you’re showing up can quietly sabotage connection. When teams understand and manage nonverbal cues, conversations feel more authentic, trust builds faster, and communication stops sounding rehearsed and starts feeling real.

🪄 Your words and non-verbal cues don’t just inform — they influence more than you know!